The second girl I loved has now left me 3 days before my birthday, my heart is full of sorrow.

The world around me seems so bleak and empty.

I no longer have any reason to hang on to this mortal life.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

What is the use of living life for one moment longer if heartache and loneliness is all life has on offer.

Goodbye Cruel World.

Kyle Butler (1987 - 2006)

I was in the city the other day and while i was there I decided to go into JBHifi to buy the new Taste Of Chaos DVD. Little did I know, Mudvayne were doing a signing in there at the time. THe whole store was completely full of wanker mudvayne fans.

As soon as I walked down the escelators, I was bombarded by dickhead fans saying the usual "cry emo boy, cry". That dickhead Mudvayne fan that I see everywhere was there. They like to give me shit about what I'm wearing, but I saw one fucked up looking goth dude there wearing a top hat, a tool tshirt and painted upside down eye lashes under his eyes.

I just don't get why people have to constantly give me shit for the way I dress. Just because I like to show my feelings through my clothing.

My fucking god, Lisa can be so annoying sometimes. Most of the time she is great, but she never stops talking about how her ex fucked her around. Yet when I bring up about how Jess ripped my heart in two she doesn't seem to care.

She only seems to care about her own pain. Why can't she care about mine. I'm in dire need of someone's shoulder to cry on and sometimes I wonder if hers is the shoulder for me. I mean, she is great and all and I thought we were perfect, but she is no Jess.

Jess had it all. While Lisa is a close second, I can't stop thinking about what I lost with her.

Me and Lisa have so much in common, but I'm left wondering if having too much in common is a bad thing. Things do sometimes get boring and I feel more alone than I ever have before.

Lisa can just be too into her own issues. I don't know if I can handle someone that only cares about their own issues and not mine.

I miss Jess.

What the fuck ?!?

I can't believe AFI cancelled. When the fuck did this happen? How have I not heard about this.

I got my tickets the day they went on sale just so I can see AFI and End Of Fashion. Now End of Fashion is the only good band there.

And how can they replace him with Henry Rollins. They already had Iggy Pop, why do they need two old guys that look like they will drop dead on stage.

It must not have been very well advertised that AFI had cancelled. None of my friends even knew about it.

I got told today about Funeral For A Friend playing in March. I think I may have to sell my Big Day Out ticket and go to see FFAF instead.

Fuck. This really fucking sucks.

So for my New Years, Lisa invited me to her place to babysit her little shit of a sister.

We spent all night just sitting in her room listening to awesome emo music and talking about just random things. We have so much in common. We both hate wanker metal heads, we both hate stupid bitches with ug boots and all the fucking sheep that conform to the "supre" standard.

So just on midnight, she kisses me.

It was so unexpected. We spent the rest of the night making out and now we are a couple.

We are both so excited about going to Big Day Out and seeing AFI. It's going to be awesome.

I am so in love with her.

Christmas was even more pathetic this year than it has been previous years. There was one simple request I made to my stupid bitch of a mother for christmas. I wanted a PSP.

So Christmas morning came, I unwrapped her present and she got me a fucking DS. What the hell do I want with a DS. It's a toy made for whiney little children. Nintendo is well known for being a console for pathetic kids.

As soon as I saw it I threw the fucking box back at her. How can she not know me at all. She gets my stupid bitch of a sister what she wanted, but I was stuck with a fucking DS.

I had already bought a copy of Death Jr to play on the PSP when I got it.

FUck.

Will you stop prentending that you know how I am you fucking wanker. My dad died two years ago of Cancer and you are telling me to give him a hug. Go fuck yourself.

You are reading my journal, this is how I feel and what I go through. It's not fake, it's my place to vent and get out my feelings. Somewhere I should be free of assholes like you telling me that I need to stop being miserable. I'm miserable because all the people around me presume to know me and everyone treats me like shit.

My lifes fucked and everyone around it is fucked.

Well apart from Lisa who is absolutely awesome. She is maybe the only one who understands me because she is going through the exact same things as I am.

Well, I just spent the last two hours at the police station. Jess called the cops on me and they took me in for violating my restraining order.

I tried telling her that Dave was fucking other women and she thought I was bullshitting. Thought it was just another attempt to try and win her back. Dave is off fucking every girl in melbourne and she has no idea.

Fuck it. The bitch can get fucked if she is that fucking stupid.

I might give Lisa a call tomorrow. Find out what she thought of the Used. I think I've wasted enough time and energy trying to get through to Jess.

Well, last night was Taste Of Chaos and it was so fucking awesome. Well, awesome apart from that wanker Dave sitting next to me. The whole night he was going on about all these girls he's sleeping with on the side. I wanted to beat the crap out of the prick.

He is openly cheating on Jess. I don't know why he was bragging to me about it. I'm going to go over to Jess' house later to tell her all about it.

Well about the bands. Killswitch Engage were fucking pathetic. Fucking metal wankers. Every other band was absolutely amazing. The Used were so good live. I felt like the whole time they were singing to me. I was connected to them on such an emotional level.

I spent all night trying to find out which hotel the used were staying at. I must have tried every hotel in the city, but I couldn't get any information, so I wasn't able to meet them :'(

Next time.......

Well, I'm off to Jess' house to tell her all about Dave's fucking every chick on the planet. After she finds out, maybe she will get back with me.

I ran into one of Jess' bitch friends today. She is such a stupid fucking whore.

Aparently Jess bought a ticket for taste of chaos off a friend, then gave her ticket to Dave. So now Dave has the seat next to me. What the fuck am I going to do. It's not like I can take a knife in there to protect myself.

This wanker is going to ruin my whole night. This might be my only chance to see The Used play live and this fuck might ruin my entire experience.